Breaking news: Colleges accused of accepting bribes from families of Antarctic students.

By Ronan Himelrick 

***This is A Satirical Work*** 

Hundreds of colleges and university admissions officers have been suspended without pay after an FBI investigation discovered evidence of bribery from Antarctic parents. Famous Antarctic celebs, Memphis and Norma are accused of buying  their son Mumble into DeVry University online, along with James Cook who paid for his daughter Elizabeth to attend the prestigious Massasoit Community College.

 

Neither school cared to comment about the allegations.

We got an opinion from current UMASS student, Layne Vulcanus “ It’s disgusting to think that schools value money over education, I worked hard to improve myself as a student and person.” Vulcanus was denied from both DeVry and Massasoit with a 4.23 GPA and a 1450 on the SAT. “ I’m just so disappointed”

 

Vulcanus is one of thousands of students nationwide who are expressing their anger towards the admissions process.

 

It has been estimated that over 25 applications have been found to be frauds, many from prominent schools including Southern New Hampshire University, University of Phoenix Online and DeVry University. Along with parents and families, athletics staff members are rumored to be involved as well.

 

There is  an estimated $500,000 fine for families along with expulsion from the mentioned schools for students unless they can prove their worthiness in a Thunder Dome style fight against current students. Students can also pay a $250,000 fee to automatically win and continue their education.

 

The Antarctic students refused to speak to our reporters, and paid the press to walk away.

See this: Local reporters involved in a bribery scandal with celebrities involved in college admissions mixups